Remember Ton, Don't tell Grama...

One of the times my Aunt Kath was in the hospital [just 2 weeks before this last hospitalization], I was going to see her after work, and called her first to see if I could bring her anything.  You know, thinking she'd say a book or something of the sort, if she wanted anything.  She surprised me with, "Really, Ton? You're coming? Good! I'm starved! Can you sneak me something in to eat?"  Not exactly what I was expecting to say the least, but I laughed and was more than happy to oblige her because it had been so many days since I'd seen her actually eat!  So I asked her if some mashed potatoes from KFC sounded good and of course it did - anything sounded good to her after not being able to eat for a week or better...  So I did, I sneaked in some mashed potatoes [with gravey] and a side of banana pudding - you know, dessert!

A side of mashed potatoes from KFC isn't very big and she couldn't eat the whole thing, but you would have thought they were the very best potatoes ever made in the entire world that night!  And every little noise that came from the hallway made those mashed potatoes go running for the bed covers!  Of course with her being in for severe abdominal pain and diarrhea, she wasn't suppose to be eating anything [though she was discharged the next morning!].  After a little break from the potatoes and all our chatting - we didn't know how to stop once we got started! - she had made some room to try the banana pudding.  I was surprised she hadn't ever tried banana pudding.  It's a southern staple in the South! [It's at every church dinner and every potluck you ever attend!]  One bite and she was "umm....", "oooo...", "this is good...!" and I had to assure her that the pudding she was eating was nothing, since it was from a can, compared to homemade banana pudding!  Her eyes glazed in pure delight!  I promised when she got well enough I was going to make some for her...  Sadly, she never got well enough to feel up to eating any...  She would have loved it!

Again, every noise from the hall sent that bowl of pudding into hiding!  We laughed about my "smuggling contraband" into the hospital!  And how we'd have to keep it from Grama, because she'd be mad as a wet hornet at us if she found out!  She's by the book, when it comes to "doctor's orders"!  :-)  Before I left, she reminded me not to tell Grama...  I assured her I did NOT want Grama's wrath on either of us.  Apparently this was not enough assurance for her --  half way home she called me on my cell, "Tonnie, don't forget -- Don't tell Grama that you brought me some food! She'll be so mad at us if you do!"  :-)  I promised her again I did not want Grama's wrath on either of us, I'd made it this long without it, I intended to keep going without it!  

Well, I guess she'll find out now, Kath.  Do you think she'll find it as funny as you and I did about our "smuggled contraband"?  I think she will!  Thanks for the laugh and the memory, Kath!  It was fun!  I love you and miss you so much, Friend!

So Many Well Wishes & Prayers From Family & Friends

Tue, Jan 26, 2010 at 9:12 PM

I am one of Kathey's friends in the condo's. I am so sorry to hear about Kathey's condition and have been concerned about Ev.....I am currently in xx but want to be kept updated re: Kathey's condition....We shared a love of dogs and books and playing cards. I am keeping her in my prayers and Ev also. This has to be a very hard time for you and am wondering if you are in FL with them or??? Please keep us all updated as to her condition..... E-Mail me anytime or call-xxx-xxx-xxxx. Again--I'm so sorry Kathey is losing the battle but pray for the best outcome--whatever that is.
Jan R


Tue, Jan 26, 2010 at 9:56 PM

Tanya, 

Thank you for sharing this blog with me. I am a condo neighbor of Ev and Kathey's. Kathey will be MISSED here also. I am so concerned if Ev will be able to live alone, her own health is very fragile. Please give her a big hug for me.
Betty M


Tue, Jan 26, 2010 at 10:27 PM

Tonya

I just received a call from my friend Sue and she told me that Kathey had died. Please know my thoughts are with your family. I knew Kathey for only a few years, but she quickly became a very special friend to me. We e-mailed each other on a daily basis when she wasn't so sick. I loved her and will miss her dearly. She will always hold a special place in my heart. Please let Eve know she is in my thoughts and prayers.
 
RIP Kathey.
Brenda


Wed, Jan 27, 2010 at 10:41 AM

TONYA, 

WE ARE SO SORRY TO HEAR THAT KATH IS SO SICK. SHE'S A GREAT GAL. I KNOW THAT SHE HAS BEEN ILL FOR SOMETIME, BUT NOT LIKE THIS. PLEASE TELL EVE THAT WE WILL BE PRAYING FOR HER.
Pat S


Wed, Jan 27, 2010 at 8:05 PM

My Sister

All of us here on earth should take a deep breath, let it out slowly, look up and smile. There's a good woman who just walked through those pearly gates and knowing Kathey Jo Davis, she'll try to make Heaven better.

Kath's with You now Lord. You took her too soon ! Wish I could have said good-bye. But we must believe, You needed her now.

Lord, Kath will never be satisfied with, like changing the decor, moving furniture around or detailing her car. Or, "we gotta get this cleaned". She always had to be busy. But for us who grieve, we wish You could have given her more good years. Kathey will no longer be burdened with that earthly body of pain; She had enough suffering.

There are these people who hold our hands, comfort us and somehow change our darkest nights into the brightest of days. Kath was one of these wondrous people.

There are these people who share their joy, their laughter, even their mistakes if they think it might invoke a laugh, or simply a smile for a friend, a sibling or anyone one around. That was Kath.

She gave her best to not only her beloved family, but to all her friends too. Growing up, Kath was joined at the hip with Jeanie but they were always fighting. She watched me & Bud like we were her own and spoiled us rotten ! Kath took care of Dad when he was sick alongside Mom. She went out of her way to help any of us or anybody for that matter. And Kathey couldn't cook ! She always burned the food ! But at least she tried.

And we pray, Lord, that you'll let her spirit wander among us forever. Kath is with Dad now and it's kinda comforting knowing they're waiting for each of us. We'll carry on Kath, because you'll forever be a part of us. For some of us, it will be difficult to remember life without you !

See you there someday.

With all my love,
Dino
January 27. 2010


Thu, Jan 28, 2010 at 7:56 AM

Tonya,

Clark found this in our spam. I am so grateful he did! What a beautiful job you did with this!! Your words and thoughts are expressed with great integrity and love. Be very proud as I am sure your Aunt Kathey and grandma are as well as the whole family. This will help eliminate a lot of question and answers for everyone and make it much easier for the family. I can't express what a wonderful job you did and how touching and sad it is.

We feel so much sadness for all of you. I am so glad that mom came in town and Aunt Eve and Kath came to Barb's to see her this past summer. It gave us a short visit before they went down there. We took some good pictures of them. I'll have to send them to you. We think God had them in the right spot, with all of you down there, for all of you during this time of sickness and loss. God is so awesome and in control and His plans are divine. It is hard to loose people we love but as you said so very sacred to those that get to leave to go sit with our heavenly father. She has no pain now and I am sure should she be able she will be a guardian angel to all of you, she and Uncle Clayton both.

Give Aunt Eve and the family our love. If there is anything we might be able to do for you please ask. We will donate some money instead of flowers to help as requested. Thank you again.

In Jesus' love,
Debbie and Clark


Thu, Jan 28, 2010 at 8:38 AM

Dearest Tonya,

I wanted to Thank you so very very much for Kathey's Korner. You did an amazing job on it. As I read it (thru a flood of tears) I felt as though I were there with her which as you know I so very desperately wanted to be. I just wanted to be with her.

I know how difficult it is to watch someone you love so much suffer so. I'm sure it was equally as hard for you to then write it all down. You are an amazingly strong woman just like your gramma.

Kathey's Korner is such a comfort to me. I'd like to offer some words of comfort to you and all who loved Kathey so much. Reading and praying these words has helped comfort me through many of the trials I've faced.

1 Peter 5:10

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace (who imparts all blessing and favor) Who has called you to his (own) eternal glory in Christ Jesus, will himself complete and make you what you ought to be, establish and ground you securely,and strengthen, and settle you.

Love Connie


Thu, Jan 28, 2010 at 12:58 AM

To Tonya & Kathey's family...our prayers are with you.

Please tell Ev that we have her and Kathey in our prayers. May the knowledge that Kathey's suffering from this terrible disease finally being over bring you peace and comfort.

She was our friend here in Ohio and we'll sadly miss her!
Hugs to you from XX -
Cheryl and Jan


Thu, Jan 28, 2010 at 1:57

Thank you for letting us know what's going on . This is very hard to believe we just saw your Grandma & Kath a couple of weeks ago when Bud was in the hospital . Tell Kath & Grandma we're sending our Prayers and love . May God Bless her she's a sweetheart.

Lots-Of-Love 

BOB & CAROL

Day 14 – 26 JANUARY 2010

Eight minutes after sending out an email to as many addresses as I could come up with, my aunt took her last breathe.

At 4:15 this afternoon, in the presence of just her mom, she left her earthly home to return home to her Heavenly home.

My Grama was talking to Kath telling her how much she loves her and how wonderful she is. That she'll always be with her. She gave her a kiss. It's the last kiss she received while alive, and it was from her mama.

I had walked out to call my mom to tell her she needed to come back up that the end was coming and would be here this evening. Kath's breathing had become too shallow for my comfort and her color had paled – I knew it was coming – I just didn't think it was seconds away. I would never have left my Grama alone had I thought that. Perhaps it was meant to be. Perhaps they were suppose to be alone in Kath's last couple of minutes. I hope that's the case...

A mother losing a child is wrong. The order is wrong... Not that I want it to be my Grama, please don't think that! I don't want that either! I don't want neither! It just hurts like no one can imagine to see the pain that my Grama is going through to have this loss. It's just not right – nor is it right...

My mom took the news fairly well. She's at peace knowing her “seester” is no longer in pain and suffering. I didn't get to talk to my uncle, but I guess he too took the news fairly well as well. I did talk to my other aunt, and she was upset – still reeling from the loss of her big sister – I wasn't much help – her tears made my tears flow as well... I became choked and couldn't speak much... I had hoped to be strong and be a help for the family – boy did I wimp out quick...

I love you, Kath!

God Be With You Til We Meet Again!

DAY 13 - 25 JANUARY 2010

Happy Birthday, Grama.

My Grama is spending her birthday caring for her daughter in the hospital, watching her breathe in and breathe out. Her daughter who is her very dear and best friend. Her daughter who sleeps so soundly, she doesn't move a muscle; she might twitch an eye muscle occassionaly, but other than that, she just sleeps...and breathes.

My Grama has spent her birthday checking drainage bags, checking pain medication schedules, talking to nurses, washing my aunt's face, talking to my mom and I about care schedules, adjusting my aunt's oxygen mask... Some celebration...

She should be celebrating it with my aunt Kath -- AWAKE, VIBRANTLY ALIVE, AND WELL!!!! This isn't a very "happy" birthday... It's a birthday, but not a happy one...

I'm very grateful to have my Grama alive and well. Though I wonder just how "well" she feels when her heart is broken... Can't feel that great... I know how mine feels... Empty... Angry... Hollow... Nauseated... Achy... Desperate for a miracle...

I'm so grateful for the past 2 years that Kath and Grama have driven down to spend time with me and my family [I know that they didn't do it just for me, they did it for my Mom as well!] I still am grateful and feel blessed that Kath is here during this sacred time, that I can be here with her during this; that I am able to be with my Grama during this sacred time. Yes, I do think dying is a sacred time. It's a time when the dying is close to God and Jesus, thus making it sacred...

Kath's color remains great. Her breathing is steady and actually calmer than ever. It has less "gurgle" to it than before. She's receiving less meds to keep her sedated, staying asleep on her own without it. Her oxygen count and pulse rate remain steady and about the same as when she was brought up from ICU. Her swelling hasn't went down any. Many of her blisters have popped turning into nasty looking sores. She is still extremely sore to the touch. We heard actually cough for the first time in a couple of days, though she didn't wake to do so, as she had been doing in the past. She didn't wake this morning as she had the past two mornings. I'm so thankful that Grama was able to speak to her yesterday via the phone... Kath just appears to be in a very peaceful sleep... Her friend Jan called. We always tell her when someone calls asking about her. We still believe and hope that she can still hear us. I don't leave without telling her what's going on. I want her to know... Because I do think she can hear. Maybe she won't remember when she wakes - I feel better just for telling her... She's such a special gal! I love her and am going to miss her so badly!

I love you, Kath Jo!

DAY 12 - SUNDAY, 24 JANUARY 2010

Well, my fighter continues to hang in there. She looks great! Her tan from last Spring is still present - making me still look ever white next to her! :-) She comes from good stock - they are all fighters, what more can I say...?

Yesterday morning she woke up and tried to reply "Morning" to my Mom when she told her "Good Morning". This morning she woke again and my Grama was able to talk to her on the phone and my Mom said that Kath was responding with facial emotions and when my Grama told Kath that she was her best friend Kath almost cried... [Makes me cry...] Also, Kath tried to say the words "I Love You" but they just didn't come out...

Today while we were at the hospital, her nurse had to move her hand to check the site of one of her drains and in doing so caused much pain for Kath. Due to the pain, Kath actually woke. Grama was blessed with being able to look Kath in the eyes once more and talk to her. Though Kath was unable to say anything back, we know she was listening intently to Grama.

She hears everything we say. We've caught her smiling, raising her eyebrows, and making other facial gestures. Yes, she knows we are with her and talking to her. And we do talk to her.

Grama read cards to her today that she's received from Nadine, Kath's baby sister and Jan, Kath's good friend. You could tell that Kath was emotionally touched by both cards. How I wish I knew what she was thinking or was wanting to say. It's like she's trapped in her body that is just so tired and worn out from fighting pain to be able to wake to chat with us. Of course, the meds don't help. But without the meds, she just couldn't bear the pain as well as she's done.

I have failed to say, I think in earlier posts, how wonderful her family has been to her. Of course, you can only imagine what my Grama is going through... It's so heartbreaking. Not only are they mother and daughter, they are also best of friends. This has been very painful for them both.

My mom has not left the hospital since learning of Kath's eminent departure on Wednesday. Since Kath moved into a private room in the Palliative Care Unit, she's slept in her room [that was Thursday], keeping a big sister watchful eye on her. I've asked my Mom to go home and get some good rest, and thought she was going to bite my head off! :-) [Guess she wasn't ready to leave her "seester", huh?]

Kath's only & baby brother, Bud, drove straight through from Toledo the day after her surgery to be here with her, arriving here on the 15th. He was at the hospital every day, almost every hour, only leaving to take Grama home so she could rest her aching back. Business took him away yesterday. He was sad to leave, but had no choice. [There isn't anything anyone can do.]

Kath's baby sister, Nadine, calls every day from Toledo and sends prayers Kath's way and my Grama's way as well. Offering support to my Grama as she can. She too, wanted to fly down as well, but as I've said, there isn't anything anyone can do. We just watch Kath breathe in and out. We talk to her hoping she's hearing us... We tell Grama when she's walking almost in half, that she's pushing herself just too hard, please, go home... Nadine and Bud are going to be such a help to my Grama when she needs to return back to Toledo, I pray they will be there for her then. And I know they will be.

We're a small family - but a very close family. I don't have a large family, but the family I have is so important to me...

I continue to pray for my Aunt Kath. I pray that she's not in pain. I pray that she dreams of happiness, of joy as she sleeps. I pray that the end will be as she wishes - while she sleeps. I pray the Lord will be merciful and come to her while she sleeps. I pray the end will come quickly for her. I pray her suffering will end soon...

DAY 10 - FRIDAY - 22 JANUARY 2010

Kath continues to sleep and rest. I'm so thankful we were able to visit with her while and when we could on Wednesday. She's been able to see and talk to her mom, oldest sister, brother, only niece, middle nephew, grand-niece, and nephew-in-law. She's received many well wishes from her youngest sister, sister-in-law, both brother-in-laws, both the oldest and youngest nephews, grand-nephew, aunts, cousins, many other family members [my brain is so tired, forgive me,  please] neighbors, and so many friends. She is so loved.

She continues to hold on and fight. To me she's Kath Jo a.k.a. "Muhamad Ali". Don't get in the ring with her - you won't win! :-) She's got such strength. Of course fighting this disease all these years, proves just how strong she is. I don't think just anyone could have dealt with the pain like she has all this time.

The hardest part of all this is watching and knowing my aunt Kath is in pain. I can't stand knowing she's hurting. If only I could take the pain away from her...  Also, I hate seeing my Grama's heart breaking. I've said it before - Mothers should not have to go through this! This is just so hard on her. Not only is she losing her daughter, but she's losing her very best friend as well. My aunt Kath was there for my Grama when she was dealing with my Grampa's illness and death. She was there for her when she was learning how to become a widow...  She's always been there for my Grama. My Grama is going to miss her so much.

Watching my mom's heart break is hard as well. They may have fought like cats and dogs as kids, but they've become good friends as adults - especially over the past years. As Kath would say, they are "seesters"!! :-) It hurts my mom to see her sister like this. If this was happening in 20-30 years from now, it would be easier, maybe, but not at this young age!