DAY 10 - FRIDAY - 22 JANUARY 2010

Kath continues to sleep and rest. I'm so thankful we were able to visit with her while and when we could on Wednesday. She's been able to see and talk to her mom, oldest sister, brother, only niece, middle nephew, grand-niece, and nephew-in-law. She's received many well wishes from her youngest sister, sister-in-law, both brother-in-laws, both the oldest and youngest nephews, grand-nephew, aunts, cousins, many other family members [my brain is so tired, forgive me,  please] neighbors, and so many friends. She is so loved.

She continues to hold on and fight. To me she's Kath Jo a.k.a. "Muhamad Ali". Don't get in the ring with her - you won't win! :-) She's got such strength. Of course fighting this disease all these years, proves just how strong she is. I don't think just anyone could have dealt with the pain like she has all this time.

The hardest part of all this is watching and knowing my aunt Kath is in pain. I can't stand knowing she's hurting. If only I could take the pain away from her...  Also, I hate seeing my Grama's heart breaking. I've said it before - Mothers should not have to go through this! This is just so hard on her. Not only is she losing her daughter, but she's losing her very best friend as well. My aunt Kath was there for my Grama when she was dealing with my Grampa's illness and death. She was there for her when she was learning how to become a widow...  She's always been there for my Grama. My Grama is going to miss her so much.

Watching my mom's heart break is hard as well. They may have fought like cats and dogs as kids, but they've become good friends as adults - especially over the past years. As Kath would say, they are "seesters"!! :-) It hurts my mom to see her sister like this. If this was happening in 20-30 years from now, it would be easier, maybe, but not at this young age!

DAY 4 -- SATURDAY, 16 JANUARY 2010

Kathey rested all night once her drip was increased to more than 3 times the original amount. It still bothers me to think how miserable and how bad the pain must have been when she woke up from the anesthesia… I love her so much… She continues to rest well today.

Her surgeon looked in on her early this morning while admitting another patient into ICU at my request. I was also blessed with being able to see her again and talk to her later this morning. She said she’s pleased with the increase of Kathey’s urine output lately. She mentioned that though Kathey is past the original 48-hours 1st discussed that she’s still not out of the woods. I don’t think it takes an MD to give that diagnosis. She also said that after looking at the notes from the respiratory therapists she was going to let her partner who is the ICU doctor in charge make the assessment and decision of when to take Kath off the ventilator. We’re hoping that it will be today so that perhaps Kath will be able to ask for meds herself when we’re not around to speak up for her.

I think it will be a long time before I ever get over my aunt Kath looking at me with such pleading and tears in her eyes to take her home…. Oh, how my heart just broke….

The ICU doctor assessed Kath -- he’s not going to give the order to remove the ventilator… His reasoning is understandable. He said it will be a long time before he considers it…. Ugh! Boy this really bites for my aunt! She’s just on such high does of meds….

Well, tomorrow is another day, I pray for progress in the right direction!