DAY 12 - SUNDAY, 24 JANUARY 2010

Well, my fighter continues to hang in there. She looks great! Her tan from last Spring is still present - making me still look ever white next to her! :-) She comes from good stock - they are all fighters, what more can I say...?

Yesterday morning she woke up and tried to reply "Morning" to my Mom when she told her "Good Morning". This morning she woke again and my Grama was able to talk to her on the phone and my Mom said that Kath was responding with facial emotions and when my Grama told Kath that she was her best friend Kath almost cried... [Makes me cry...] Also, Kath tried to say the words "I Love You" but they just didn't come out...

Today while we were at the hospital, her nurse had to move her hand to check the site of one of her drains and in doing so caused much pain for Kath. Due to the pain, Kath actually woke. Grama was blessed with being able to look Kath in the eyes once more and talk to her. Though Kath was unable to say anything back, we know she was listening intently to Grama.

She hears everything we say. We've caught her smiling, raising her eyebrows, and making other facial gestures. Yes, she knows we are with her and talking to her. And we do talk to her.

Grama read cards to her today that she's received from Nadine, Kath's baby sister and Jan, Kath's good friend. You could tell that Kath was emotionally touched by both cards. How I wish I knew what she was thinking or was wanting to say. It's like she's trapped in her body that is just so tired and worn out from fighting pain to be able to wake to chat with us. Of course, the meds don't help. But without the meds, she just couldn't bear the pain as well as she's done.

I have failed to say, I think in earlier posts, how wonderful her family has been to her. Of course, you can only imagine what my Grama is going through... It's so heartbreaking. Not only are they mother and daughter, they are also best of friends. This has been very painful for them both.

My mom has not left the hospital since learning of Kath's eminent departure on Wednesday. Since Kath moved into a private room in the Palliative Care Unit, she's slept in her room [that was Thursday], keeping a big sister watchful eye on her. I've asked my Mom to go home and get some good rest, and thought she was going to bite my head off! :-) [Guess she wasn't ready to leave her "seester", huh?]

Kath's only & baby brother, Bud, drove straight through from Toledo the day after her surgery to be here with her, arriving here on the 15th. He was at the hospital every day, almost every hour, only leaving to take Grama home so she could rest her aching back. Business took him away yesterday. He was sad to leave, but had no choice. [There isn't anything anyone can do.]

Kath's baby sister, Nadine, calls every day from Toledo and sends prayers Kath's way and my Grama's way as well. Offering support to my Grama as she can. She too, wanted to fly down as well, but as I've said, there isn't anything anyone can do. We just watch Kath breathe in and out. We talk to her hoping she's hearing us... We tell Grama when she's walking almost in half, that she's pushing herself just too hard, please, go home... Nadine and Bud are going to be such a help to my Grama when she needs to return back to Toledo, I pray they will be there for her then. And I know they will be.

We're a small family - but a very close family. I don't have a large family, but the family I have is so important to me...

I continue to pray for my Aunt Kath. I pray that she's not in pain. I pray that she dreams of happiness, of joy as she sleeps. I pray that the end will be as she wishes - while she sleeps. I pray the Lord will be merciful and come to her while she sleeps. I pray the end will come quickly for her. I pray her suffering will end soon...

DAY 10 - FRIDAY - 22 JANUARY 2010

Kath continues to sleep and rest. I'm so thankful we were able to visit with her while and when we could on Wednesday. She's been able to see and talk to her mom, oldest sister, brother, only niece, middle nephew, grand-niece, and nephew-in-law. She's received many well wishes from her youngest sister, sister-in-law, both brother-in-laws, both the oldest and youngest nephews, grand-nephew, aunts, cousins, many other family members [my brain is so tired, forgive me,  please] neighbors, and so many friends. She is so loved.

She continues to hold on and fight. To me she's Kath Jo a.k.a. "Muhamad Ali". Don't get in the ring with her - you won't win! :-) She's got such strength. Of course fighting this disease all these years, proves just how strong she is. I don't think just anyone could have dealt with the pain like she has all this time.

The hardest part of all this is watching and knowing my aunt Kath is in pain. I can't stand knowing she's hurting. If only I could take the pain away from her...  Also, I hate seeing my Grama's heart breaking. I've said it before - Mothers should not have to go through this! This is just so hard on her. Not only is she losing her daughter, but she's losing her very best friend as well. My aunt Kath was there for my Grama when she was dealing with my Grampa's illness and death. She was there for her when she was learning how to become a widow...  She's always been there for my Grama. My Grama is going to miss her so much.

Watching my mom's heart break is hard as well. They may have fought like cats and dogs as kids, but they've become good friends as adults - especially over the past years. As Kath would say, they are "seesters"!! :-) It hurts my mom to see her sister like this. If this was happening in 20-30 years from now, it would be easier, maybe, but not at this young age!