DAY 12 - SUNDAY, 24 JANUARY 2010

Well, my fighter continues to hang in there. She looks great! Her tan from last Spring is still present - making me still look ever white next to her! :-) She comes from good stock - they are all fighters, what more can I say...?

Yesterday morning she woke up and tried to reply "Morning" to my Mom when she told her "Good Morning". This morning she woke again and my Grama was able to talk to her on the phone and my Mom said that Kath was responding with facial emotions and when my Grama told Kath that she was her best friend Kath almost cried... [Makes me cry...] Also, Kath tried to say the words "I Love You" but they just didn't come out...

Today while we were at the hospital, her nurse had to move her hand to check the site of one of her drains and in doing so caused much pain for Kath. Due to the pain, Kath actually woke. Grama was blessed with being able to look Kath in the eyes once more and talk to her. Though Kath was unable to say anything back, we know she was listening intently to Grama.

She hears everything we say. We've caught her smiling, raising her eyebrows, and making other facial gestures. Yes, she knows we are with her and talking to her. And we do talk to her.

Grama read cards to her today that she's received from Nadine, Kath's baby sister and Jan, Kath's good friend. You could tell that Kath was emotionally touched by both cards. How I wish I knew what she was thinking or was wanting to say. It's like she's trapped in her body that is just so tired and worn out from fighting pain to be able to wake to chat with us. Of course, the meds don't help. But without the meds, she just couldn't bear the pain as well as she's done.

I have failed to say, I think in earlier posts, how wonderful her family has been to her. Of course, you can only imagine what my Grama is going through... It's so heartbreaking. Not only are they mother and daughter, they are also best of friends. This has been very painful for them both.

My mom has not left the hospital since learning of Kath's eminent departure on Wednesday. Since Kath moved into a private room in the Palliative Care Unit, she's slept in her room [that was Thursday], keeping a big sister watchful eye on her. I've asked my Mom to go home and get some good rest, and thought she was going to bite my head off! :-) [Guess she wasn't ready to leave her "seester", huh?]

Kath's only & baby brother, Bud, drove straight through from Toledo the day after her surgery to be here with her, arriving here on the 15th. He was at the hospital every day, almost every hour, only leaving to take Grama home so she could rest her aching back. Business took him away yesterday. He was sad to leave, but had no choice. [There isn't anything anyone can do.]

Kath's baby sister, Nadine, calls every day from Toledo and sends prayers Kath's way and my Grama's way as well. Offering support to my Grama as she can. She too, wanted to fly down as well, but as I've said, there isn't anything anyone can do. We just watch Kath breathe in and out. We talk to her hoping she's hearing us... We tell Grama when she's walking almost in half, that she's pushing herself just too hard, please, go home... Nadine and Bud are going to be such a help to my Grama when she needs to return back to Toledo, I pray they will be there for her then. And I know they will be.

We're a small family - but a very close family. I don't have a large family, but the family I have is so important to me...

I continue to pray for my Aunt Kath. I pray that she's not in pain. I pray that she dreams of happiness, of joy as she sleeps. I pray that the end will be as she wishes - while she sleeps. I pray the Lord will be merciful and come to her while she sleeps. I pray the end will come quickly for her. I pray her suffering will end soon...

DAY 8 - WEDNESDAY - 20 JANUARY 2010

It's an ugly day out. The heavens have opened and the angels are shedding their tears today. It's very dark and dreary. It's the ugliest day I've seen in sometime. Lightening everywhere. Flooding. Tornado watches and warnings. It foretells of sadness...

The doctor with Palliative Care came for an assessment today, along with Kath's surgeon and it was not good. This is hard to write. It's been very hard on the family, especially on my Grama... The doctors determined that the surgery was not successful and the scleroderma has completely taken over... Kath gave a DNR order and they have to abide by her wish. The ventilator was removed.

On the upside, Kath is awake and responsive today and it has been nice to be able to see her beautiful smile again. She's been able to talk some to us by a very gentle whisper with very few words. It's a wonderful blessing that we are so grateful for. To hear her tell us that she loves us has been music to our ears that we'll never forget, but will long to hear again, I'm sure in the near future.

She stayed pretty medicated throughout the day and night so visiting was very minimal as was communicating with Kath. Her energy is extremely low. Her fever is high and rising. Her pain is extremely high. It fluctuates between 8 and 10. She cannot be touched at all without putting her in worse pain. It's so heartbreaking. You want to hold her hand or rub her freezing cold feet, but it's too excruciating for her. She's breaking out in blisters from all the fluids - it has no where else to go. Just more pain... As if she didn't already have enough...

We pray they can make her comfortable and ease her pain. How will we make it without her...???  My Grama...  My heart just aches for her...  Mothers should not have to go through the loss of their children -- of any age!!

DAY 5 -- SUNDAY, 17 JANUARY 2010

Four days in ICU and no major setbacks. No improvements, but no setbacks. Kathey still maintains good color. Her BP is still good, as well as her pulse rate. Her CVP [central venous pressure] is lower today, but I noticed she doesn’t have as many bags hooked up to her, so perhaps that’s to be expected. I learned that today, Kath’s bowels have been working since day one -- that’s a very good thing as it was a huge concern right after surgery if her small bowel (intestine) would work again after the surgery. So I was glad to learn that today. She didn’t open her eyes while I was there today. I’m actually glad of that as I think the more she rests, the less she’s aware of her pain and perhaps the more she’ll heal.

Grama was able to talk with Kath’s surgeon while we were there. She said Kath’s urine output was better, and that the other doctor may reconsider taking Kath off the ventilator in the next couple of days.

Kathey’s daytime nurse, Darlene, atleast she's the one she’s had thus far, has taken good care of her. Kathey is a neat-freak. Darlene brushes Kath’s teeth and puts drops in her eyes, washes her face, and more… These are things that we can obviously see that is getting done every day… I’m so thankful that she’s being taken care of while we aren’t there and really aren't able to do these things for her with all the hook-ups she has.

I seen that Kath is receiving FAT!!! I had to take a picture of it! Can you believe it??? FAT!!! Yes, fat, the stuff that most people want to lose! So I took a picture of it and a few other things -- and got in trouble… Bummer! I didn’t mean to get in trouble… But I just couldn’t resist the one of the bag of fat emulsifier! :-)

Please continue to pray for my Aunt!

DAY 1 - WEDNESDAY, 13 JANUARY 2010

Grama asked Kath if she’d go to the hospital and Kath said, “Not yet, Mom.” Kath was hoping if she waited just a few more minutes the pain would go away. She hates going to the hospital. Though she is a retired nurse and spent many, many days, nites and hours in a hospital caring for the sick and injured she has always hated the idea of being the one in need of care. She’s independent like that. So in hopes that just 5 more minutes of waiting would bring comfort and release from the gripping pain, instead her blood pressure continued to drop unbeknownst to all.

Finally, she told my grama she was ready to go. So my grama asked her if she needed to call me from work or if she should call my son who happens to be home from work next door. My aunt Kath said call the squad (the ambulance), because she couldn’t stand up on her own. Grama knew she was even in worse trouble than 5 seconds before!

The ambulance arrived and true enough Kathey cannot stand up on her own. It took the paramedics picking her up, (she’s dehydrated down to not much over 100-pounds [our assessment is about 112]) and carried her outdoors to the stretcher where they began to take her vitals. The paramedic that took her blood pressure, was not happy at all and called it out 3 times to the one writing them down to assure he heard him. Her bp was 70-something over 40-something. They wasted no time getting her rolling down the road to ER. She was VERY dehydrated. I’m sure that by evening she would have been dead. She struggled to keep consciousness.

Dehydration is to be expected when one cannot keep anything down after several days of vomiting! Which was only a repeat of several episodes back to back week after week. She could never recover before she was repeating it all over again. Nourishment was a luxury she just didn’t seem to be afforded. She was withering away…

Day One found Kathey in the ER and eventually into surgery, where the Surgeon finds her small intestines riddled with scleroderma and necrosis. The scleroderma has been the root of the problem all along. All this time that she’s been having severe stomach pain -- it has been the scleroderma. With all the necrosis, the surgeon had no choice but to remove it -- infection had set in. Kathey had been running a fever. She took all of the diseased small intestine she could and left as little of it as she had to keep Kath alive. The risk is that the scleroderma could still be lurking around in there, as well as necrosis could still be residual in the fringes of what is remaining…. But no more could be taken. To take more was a death sentence. As it is, she only has a 50/50 chance of survival at this time. The first 24-48 hours were the most crucial for her….

Prayers are very appreciated!