DAY 3 -- FRIDAY, 15 JANUARY 2010

It’s closing in on the 48 hours and she’s coming out of the anesthesia. She’s waking up and feeling the pain. I don’t like that she’s so alert and aware of her pain. She’s asking to go home. I told her I’d take her home when she got better and tears came out of her eyes. Someone put me out of my misery. My heart is shattered and the pain is unbearable. I hate seeing my sweet aunt is so much dang pain!!! They’ve tied her hands to the bed! I’m claustrophobic and feel an anxiety attack building rapidly so I ask her nurse why she’s tied. I’m told that she took her NG tube out twice yesterday… But she allows me to untie her hands as long as I stay in the room with her. It’s a deal! So while her hands are untied I gently rub them and try to bend her fingers ever so gently trying to work the stiffness out of them. Her hands and fingers are so swollen. They are about 3-4 sizes larger than normal due to all the hydration she’s being pumped with. That and the lack of movement, I’m assuming. She’s a beautiful sight to see lying there breathing in and out!

Her pulse rate is down a bit, BP is up a bit and her CVP is up as well. Urine output is still too low, considering she received 14 bags of fluid yesterday. That must be why she’s so swollen. She also received 2 units of blood today. It was either because of yesterdays fluids that her blood was really thinned out, and Kath just needed a little extra. Or from the surgery, because there was a little blood in the stool and they didn’t know if Kathey had some internal bleeding… After a 2nd blood sample, [Thank you, God] we found there was no internal bleeding!

I’m staying the night with her -- as I cannot bear to leave her in case the pain meds wear down again and she becomes too awake and more aware of her pain.

Tonight I told her why she was in ICU… and in so much pain… I hope I didn’t make a mistake… She was looking at me with so many questions in her eyes. I’ve always been honest and open with my aunt -- I couldn’t lie -- she’d know if I was. Besides she deserved to know how well she’s been fighting a great fight!