FOND MEMORIES by Barb Chester

A good friend of my aunt's wrote this in hopes of having it shared at her Memorial. Sadly, this didn't reach my Grama until the service was over and everyone was gathered together afterwards.

It is from Kath's dear friend, Barb Chester.  I hope she doesn't mind that I am sharing it now, with everyone.

Although this is a time of great sorrow, I cannot help but look back at years past and smile when I think of Kathey. What a personality she was! I met Kathey just before 1975 was ushered in and like all that knew her couldn't help but fall in love with her sense of humor, her intelligence and her compassion for all living things.

We were in our youth and the world was ours for the taking, every day was a new adventure, sometimes happy, sometimes sad, but the happy days far outnumbered the 'not so happy ones'.

I have such fond memories of dinners at Ev and Clayt's home and when Kathey and Ev taught me how to play 'Tonk' we laughed so hard sometimes and 80% of that laughter was always due to something Kathey had said to crack Ev and me up. Memories of warm sunny days at the family's cottage on the Auglaize and Kathey and I fishing and almost catching a huge catfish which we both agreed we were glad the fishing line broke because we didn't know what we would have done with a fish that was half our size.

Family was so important to Kathey, she had a deep and abiding love for her mom and dad, Jeannie, Nadine and Bud and she adored Tonya and David. She would get a special kind of look on her face when David was so little and he would ask "Aunt Kaffy" a question, there was no shortage of love in Kathey's heart and she showed it to everyone she loved and cared for.

Platform shoes and disco dancing and laughing till our sides hurt, dressing up for outdoor Halloween parties or having our 'Friday Night poker games' Kathey lived with zest, enthusiasm and the wonderment of a child at times.

I saw first-hand how much Kathey cared for her patients at St. V's when she worked in the oncology unit and I could always tell she had lost a patient because it showed on her face. She became very attached to those she cared for, she was not the type to 'leave work at work' she would invite some of her patients who were doing better or in remissions to the house just to visit, have a cup of coffee and talk. Sadly, and all too often when I would ask her how so-and-so was doing it wasn't always good news and we both would feel we lost a good friend. I ofthen wondered how she coped with that kind of loss on a sometimes daily basis. One patient in particular she had was Devon McLoughlin, the daughter Lamont McLoughlin, of one of Channel 11's newscasters years ago, Devon was 25 years old and Kathey's patient. When Devon passed, Kathey broke down and cried as if she had lost a family member, that's how big her heart was.

I don't know why good people get taken away from us far too soon, I guess none of us really know the answer to that but they do, and the empty space they leave  behind never gets filled in, it may grow smaller with the passing of time but it never goes away, I know my empty space for Kathey will be with me always, but more importantly, the memories which are the sum of our days is what I keep with me and I know that even though now I can't hold back tears, at some future time I will be able to think about Kathey and the smile will come easy.

Barb Chester

Thank you, Barb, so much for sharing such wonderful memories with us. Kath still lives and her love lives as well! I feel it daily!!

I love you, Kath!

Enjoyed your visit!

Kath, I just have say, I really have enjoyed your last few visits. It was so wonderful to see you in my dreams and laugh like we used to do! Gosh! How I have missed our laughs! You've looked absolutely wonderful to these tired eyes!! I know you must already know how much I've missed you and how much your first visit made the grief so new again... But I'm so grateful you didn't give up on me. For now when you visit my dreams they ease the ache. It's been a few weeks since your last visit. I'm sure you have been with Grama. She sure needed your comforting presence. She was so scared to go thru this surgery without you. But you gave her strength, I know you did. I've been missing you lately. I hope you'll visit again real soon! I love you, Kath!!

Almost One Year...

We're coming up on one year without you, Kath. They say "time heals all pain"; we all wait for the pain to heal as the time continues to pass us by. It's been a hard year without you. Every turn brings a reminder wishing you were here with us.

You passed the day after Grama turned 79 -- you lived to tell her you love her. What a blessing that has been to her!

Grama moved back home to the snowy state. She took you with her. I miss you both so much. I talk to Grama as much as my weary brain will let me. Sometimes its late when I remember and so I forgot and try to remember to call the next evening. I miss our evening visits. Of course I talk to you more often - I'm thankful for the times you visit me in my dreams and talk to me then. I especially thank you for bringing Grampa with you last week. I was so wonderful to visit with you both! I love you both so much and miss you greatly!

As you know, Tiff and Cody became engaged during the summer and married in November.  They are so happy with one another. I couldn't have hand picked a better partner for her, Kath, as you well know. We talked about it before you had to leave us. He's very good to her and she's good to him from what I can tell. I hope they continue to find happiness and peace with one another always and forever.

Buddy and Shan are living next to us. I know that isn't what you wanted, Kath, but it seems to be working out for them. It allows me to stay close to Bud. Though they are right next to us, it may be a week or more - sometimes 2 weeks -  before I see him. But I am able to see how they are doing. It's allowed me to have more of a relationship with them than I would have had otherwise, which I am grateful for. We hope to be selling the trailer to Bud and Shan by Spring.

We miss you, Kath. I love you so much!! I hope you'll always listen to me and that you'll still come by and visit once in awhile.

Love,
    Ton

WATCHING FROM THE OUTSIDE, LIVING FROM THE INSIDE...

I have a friend at church whose sister is dying from schleroderma. Her parents have been for the most part living away from home to be with their other daughter as she tries to deal with this nasty disease and the many surgeries she's had to go through in the past year.  Lately things have been worsening for the sister.  Last week she had to endure another surgery, this time by epidural as her heart is too weak to withstand being put under, and I lived in fear that she would be dead by today.  Thankfully for the family she is still alive. 

You see, she is having bowel problems, just like my aunt Kath was having at the end.  I thought that if my friend's sister had to have bowel removed, as was anticipated originally, that was the end of her sister.  I really felt that I was watching another family from the outside, while inside reliving what we had already gone through with Kath's last weeks, and I felt myself just waiting for the dreaded call of "she's gone"...  Thankfully, they did not have to remove any bowels.  The surgeons found that the bowels had become wrapped around her stoma, I believe, where the colostomy had been performed earlier last year.  So that was quickly and easily repaired, while she still had the epidural without need of doing anything more serious.

My heart goes out to my friend and her family.  I know how they suffer watching their family member suffer.  I also know just how quickly she can be taken  away from them... 

How my heart aches still for my Grama.  I know she misses her daughter so much.  My heart aches over my own loss.  I sure miss my aunt, too.  I miss our talks and laughs...  I am grateful when my Grama and I can talk about her.  Sometimes it's a bittersweet time, but sometimes it's good....  Sometimes it's a good thing to get those tears out.

Kath, if you are looking over my shoulder, like I like to think you are.  Please know that I love you so much and miss you as much.  My love will never ever grow old.  NEVER!!!

My Comfort Picture

February 2009, Kath & Grama @ Tonya's home

Slow Healing...

It's been rough not having you close by, Kath. We all miss you so much. I know that you are in my heart and that you are listening to me, but oh how I wish I could hear you speak to me. How I wish I could give you a hug. Just one little smile...  We all have our good days and our good moments when we think "okay, Kath, we can do this while you watch from above" and then BAM! something just brings us stumbling to our knees...

I came stumbling to my knees today in a crashing wreck of a mess today, Kath. I'm sorry. I know you're upset with me over it. I just couldn't help myself. I thought I was doing "okay". But I don't know what happened. I was working away and next thing I knew someone came in and told me that one of the guys mom died today. And I thought "okay, I can handle this - this is the 3rd death since Kath died, I can handle it. Today's her memorial. I can handle this..." And I was okay - really, I mean, I could tell my mood was lower than it was, but I was okay. Until 30 minutes later when I got word that another employee lost his sister this afternoon who was about your age, Kath. And then I kinda just came to a skidding halt and lost it. I was a mess. I'm sorry. I'm still a mess. I know this isn't what you want, Kath. I'm real sorry - I am. I promise to do better tomorrow, but right now, I just have to get through tonight...

I miss you, Kath... So much...

At some point I think we all wonder what will my legacy be, what will people remember about my time on this earth. When I think of Kath, I think of many things. Her thoughtfullness, her strength, her compassion, but mostly her generosity. Her unending, unlimited generosity.

I came across a poem the other day and as I read it I thought, Wow! If Kath could give us words of comfort right now (and we all know she would) I think it would probably be something like this . . .

Remember . . .

I'm There, In Your Heart

I know there is sorrow

where laughter once played,

And lingering tears,

causing gladness to fade,

But there's a sweet comfort

our memories impart,

So always remember . . .

I'm There, In Your Heart

You'll be forever in my heart Kath
Love Connie